Walking by Faith - an update

Back in March I posted about our experiences with infertility, and how God is using these experiences to prune me. You can read about it here, if you missed it the first time. I enjoy reading it - not because I wrote it and I have some ego complex, but because I love to be reminded of the work He is doing here. He is so awesome!

So here's a little update. After the surgery in December '09, I knew that He was telling me to give it up. Not my hope for another baby, but my fight against His plan. To make things perfectly clear, I do not regret all the doctor visits and the poking and the pain. They were no picnic, but they were part of a powerful learning experience. They brought me closer to the Lord, but they also brought me closer to my husband at a time when I didn't think we could get any closer. Some couples turn on each other, some couples turn to each other. We grew together. I told him that I truly believed we needed to step back for a while, and that the Lord would let us know when it was time to pursue pregnancy again. And he supported my decision - because he's super-fantastic like that. We learned to focus on each other, to focus on our precious daughter, to enjoy all that He has planned for this stage of life. The beginning of each cycle was another reminder of what "wasn't happening," but I got to the point where it didn't own me. We didn't quit trying, but we quit letting it lord over us. Every night Princess Pea Pod prays "... and thank you, God, for a baby..." My thoughts went from "How can I tell her that's just not going to happen?" to "In your time, Lord, and according to your plan."

In June I went to Hot Daddy to tell him that I felt led to pursue another HSG. Not because it was fun, but I was feeling that it was time to find out if the tubes were still blocked. He agreed. We had been told that if they were still blocked our only options would be surgery or using medical interventions to aid conception. We didn't feel led to either option, so we knew that if my fallopian tubes were still blocked then we were still nose to nose with a brick wall. Due to timing issues and doctor shuffles, that test didn't take place until last week. Hot Daddy took me to the hospital and waited as patiently as he could.

The doctor said he has been accused of downplaying the amount of discomfort his patients would experience. Since the same doctor had downplayed the amount of discomfort I would experience during my first go-round, I didn't hesitate to confirm that for him! I explained to him that the first HSG had shown my tubes to be clear in November '09, but that both were suddenly and inexplicably soundly blocked in December '09. He was baffled (which keeps me at 100% for baffling the medical minds with this one) and said that my tubes were indeed still blocked. In the middle of explaining to me that he would not likely be able to flush them, considering how long they had been blocked, he stopped. Not the kind of sentence where you want to be left hanging! But then he said the blockages had both been flushed clear. (Kind of like my sins have been flushed by the blood of the Lamb.) Hallelujah! That's MY God! (And props to the doctor, too.)

All of a sudden things that hadn't happened in 20 months were happening again! Little cycle signs that I used to take for granted. Am I pregnant yet? No. Will we be pregnant this month? Only He knows. But if we're not then its not His time yet. I love the way Missy over at It's Almost Naptime!! says they are "waiting for Isaac." God has a very specific plan with a very specific timeline, and THAT is what I want. I've learned my lesson from Sarah's mistake. She showed us what happens when you jump the gun and trust yourself instead of God. Thanks, but no thanks, sister! His plan works for me, so for now we wait and we watch, and we trust. And I praise Him for all he brought us through to get us right here. Right where He wants us right now.